How To Be A Nigerian Politician

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They are the Mac daddy of modern day Nigeria, the ones who call the shots in every sphere of society. The richest, the “baddest,” and as we like to say over here, the ones who run things. You cannot go wrong if you aspire to become a politician in this space. The good news is that unlike many other parts of the world where you have to have some sort of pedigree or accomplishment in order to be taken seriously in politics, you do not necessarily have go through the stressful process of building some pointless pedigree over here. It’s why it’s important for you to know what it takes to be regarded as a politician through and through, and not just a charlatan. Continue reading “How To Be A Nigerian Politician”

The Venus Williams Masterclass

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“My motto is: I’m alive, so that means I can do anything” – Venus Williams

It was a fairy tale that failed to happen. With millions rooting for her in her bid to become the oldest woman in the Open era to win a Grand Slam at the age of 37, Venus Williams came up short. It was painful for many. Understandably. If she had won, it would have been the perfect come-back story, a spectacular statement and the perfect way to fill in for Serena’s absence at Wimbledon. Continue reading “The Venus Williams Masterclass”

The Tragedy Of The Lagos Noveau Riche

You finally secure a job after years of job hunting. Prior to that time, you had to spend a gruelling year doing the compulsory NYSC (a mandatory year of service imposed on all Nigerian fresh graduates). You were posted to a remote village with almost non existent supply of water and electricity. And just before then, you spent six years studying a four-year course. It wasn’t because you weren’t brilliant enough and kept having to retake courses, far from it. You had simply been a victim of perennial lecturers strike – something you had no control over. At the end of the day, you got through all of that. The strikes, the energy-sapping service year and the seemingly endless years of job search. You survived it all. Continue reading “The Tragedy Of The Lagos Noveau Riche”

Before You Ruin Yourself On Social Media

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Don’t sabotage yourself. Don’t be the clog in the wheel of your own progress. In this age of social media, it’s the easiest thing to do. Seeing that the world is now a global village, and it has become increasingly easier to make friends with people many miles away, and stay in touch with loved ones we have not seen in a long time, everyone feels close to everyone. These days, you just might tweet at Donald Trump and get a personal response from him. It’s why it is easy to be deluded into thinking the next person on Twitter or Facebook is family or a pal whom we can throw jibes at without the nursing the fear of consequences. Continue reading “Before You Ruin Yourself On Social Media”

An Epiphany From “The Voice” Nigeria

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Something interesting happened while I was catching up on the second episode of the Voice Nigeria Season 2 on Monday. I had missed the first showing the previous night, no thanks to PHCN and a generator that wouldn’t budge when it was called upon. So, I was lucky to stumble on the repeat show not long after the repair man fixed the faulty machine. I settled down to watch the show and as usual there were music hopefuls who had their dreams fulfilled when one or more of the four judges turned their chair(s) – an indication that they would like to work with the contestant, while others who were unable to arouse the same gesture from them had their hopes dashed momentarily. The show had been going on well without any incident until something interesting happened. Something I knew I absolutely had to share with you. Continue reading “An Epiphany From “The Voice” Nigeria”

The Evans Saga Should Make Us Think

Salutations steeped in reverence, unhindered access to exclusive places, extra attention, and all round preferential treatment. That must have been the summary of what it was to be Evans (Chukwudubem Onwuamadike) prior to the tenth of June when the long arms of the law finally caught up with him. I also imagine that had he not been apprehended, his wife and kids would have celebrated him as the perfect husband and father to commemorate Fathers’ day last Sunday. Continue reading “The Evans Saga Should Make Us Think”

Kechi: There’s No Excuse, Really

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As a writer, I am condemned to a life of observing. As I move around…walk, drive, interact with my environment and people, I take all I can in. I am inspired by the things I see every day – the waste collector who sits on the pile of garbage from different homes without covering or turning up his nose. The gala and pure water sellers who can give Usain Bolt a run for his money when they chase after cars in a bid to make a sale. The traffic warden who stands under the scorching sun for hours to ensure free flow of traffic for a paltry salary at the end of the month, and the conductor who shouts himself hoarse as he “hustles” passengers for his bus. Continue reading “Kechi: There’s No Excuse, Really”

Failure Can Be Your Friend

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It’s at the top of our prayer point list – Failure be gone! Nobody wants to be associated with failure. A word that is synonymous for everything bad, everything that spells defeat and rejection and an inability to succeed. No one likes to fail. I certainly don’t. However, I strongly believe that failure can prove to be an ally contrary to what we think. Continue reading “Failure Can Be Your Friend”

Our Obsession With Titles

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She had gradually become a regular face in that social space. A convivial setting where old members were expected to be friendly with new ones. On this day I had walked up to her, introduced myself and asked for her name. “Just call me Mummy Ade she replied with something between a sheepish smile and a chuckle.” I was tempted to ask her if Mummy Ade was her real name, the name her parents had given her when she was born, but I held back. I returned her smile and nodded in acknowledgement of her preferred nomenclature. Continue reading “Our Obsession With Titles”

Roger Leaves Me Wanting Moore

As a kid, there were not too many entertaining moments that beat the time spent watching a James Bond movie in the company of my siblings, particularly one played by Roger Moore. It was a staple of our developmental years. Not much different from us eating a meal of rice every other day or playing a game of hide and seek. Continue reading “Roger Leaves Me Wanting Moore”