Since the past week, there’s been plenty of hue and cry centred around the sex-for-mark scandal involving a university don and a female undergraduate. The said lecturer and professor is alleged to have requested five rounds of sex as gratification to upgrade a student’s mark to a passable grade.
In the midst of the brouhaha, Professor Richard Akindele, the man in the midst of the storm hasn’t said much regarding the veracity or otherwise of the student’s claim. However, his wife of many years has been talking. Mrs Akindele, who incidentally lectures in the same university has cried out about her husband’s innocence. What’s more, like the typical Nigerian, she has put the blame of the disgraceful allegation at the feet of the devil.
Mrs Akindele is a good wife. The dream woman every man would want by his side. I mean, how else can one describe a woman who has shunned the temptation to either criticise her husband for bringing the name of the family to disrepute or maintain a stoic silence, but chose to go out on a limb to vouch for fidelity? This kind of blind loyalty just makes one want to shed a tear.
Mrs Akindele is an example of a good Nigerian wife. This singular gesture of hers has earned her a place in the annals of virtuous women. Every woman should borrow a leaf from her.
Now, when our clergymen advise intending married couples on how to conduct themselves in marriage, they have a perfect case to refer to. They will reference the story of the Prof and the faithful wife who stood by her husband when he was widely believed to have demanded sex from a student young enough to be his daughter.
This brings me to the all-important subject of what it takes to be a good Nigerian wife. Considering the fact that marriage is a huge part of our existence in this part of the world, it only makes sense for married women, and would-be married women to be well schooled in the art of “wifery”.
I have done my findings and taken it as my Individual Social Responsibility to fill you in on what it takes to be a good married woman in Nigeria. Let’s dig right in:
Give your single friends a wide berth: A friend of mine got married some time ago and as it has become a custom of sorts, her friends organised a bridal shower in her honour. Now, if you are familiar with what goes on during a Hen night, you’ll agree that a non-negligible part of the agenda is giving pieces of advice the bride-to-be. Her friends, (especially the married ones) take turns to tell her how they think she should conduct herself in marriage. During this bridal shower, it was interesting to me that not a few of the brides’ friends opined that she should maintain a reasonable distance from those of us who are yet to be married. The reason – well, the priorities of a married woman are quite different from those of a single one. Besides if we were going to be truthful with ourselves, every single girl wanted what my friend was about to have and she had to guard it jealously. So there you have it; mingle with your fellow married women and leave the singles alone with their unenviable status.
Demand respect on the basis of your status: Everybody should be respected as human beings, as an individual, as an entity, regardless of their gender, age, social status, or geographical location. That’s what they say, but I am here to tell you it’s all hogwash. Okay, maybe not exactly hogwash. People do deserve respect but as a married woman in the Federal Republic of Nigeria, the respect you are accorded by society should be several notches higher. You and I know it’s not an easy feat to get married and stay married despite all the challenges married people face. More so, there are millions of singletons who are hustling to attain your status. So yes, it really doesn’t matter if you are uneducated or jobless or unproductive in every other way; demand respect in recognition of your marital status. You have earned the right to do so.
See every single lady as a threat: One thing you must quickly realise as you sign the dotted lines (better still, before you do so) is that every single lady out there is a threat to your marriage. They are desperate and are out to reap where they have not sown. Remember how you started from humble beginnings with your beau, how you rose from the doldrums of abject poverty to what you are today. No, you are not being paranoid. When they wear those rags that expose their bare chests and wear makeup that transforms them into clowns, what are they really trying to achieve? They are up to no good and you need to protect your man from them.
Blame the devil for your husband’s indiscretions: One of the cardinal rules you must live by as a good Nigerian wife is to ALWAYS believe your husband is innocent. Forget all that talk about men being moved by what they see and their general penchant for being polygamous. Your own husband is different. He would never look upon another lady in a desirous way. Even if he is caught pants down with a minor, he is still innocent. It just might be a case of Multiple Personality Disorder, in which case he cannot be blamed for whatever shenanigans he gets up to. It’s one of the ways you can have a peaceful, long-lasting union. Borrow a leaf from Mrs Akindele and society will hail you as one of the few women who is doing marriage right.
Do anything to stay married: Marriage is for better or worse and should stay that way. Here in Nigeria, as a good wife, you must stay married to your husband until the end of time. Even if he pummels at will. Even if he sleeps with your maid and goes a step further to father a child by her. This modern trend of separation or divorce should not be anywhere close to being your narrative. Look, you are the model wife, the cream of the crop when it comes to upholding ancient family values and nothing should change that. Not society, not your children, not even the man you are married to. That’s right, even if he walks away, pray and fast until he returns to you. Do this, and you’ll die a martyr…the poster image for what wives should be.