Lolo’s Law Of “See Finish”

familiarity-breeds-contempt

 Lolo’s law of “See Finish” states that “the more thoroughly we know a person and are aware of their shortcomings, the more likely we are to take them for granted.”

The relationship between siblings, close friends, and lovers is one which transcends the usual. Naturally, we are more at ease with these set of people (family and close friends) and bond with them beyond the ordinary. On the flip side, because we know them through and through, there is always the tendency to take them for granted, which is not such a bad thing, except that sometimes we take it too far. The more acquainted we become with a person, the less likely we are to be intrigued by them. The lure of ambiguity and mystery that attracted us to them in the first place wanes as time progresses as we become all too familiar with their flaws and shortcomings and are now aware that they are very human after all.

In long standing relationships and marriages especially, happiness begins to wither when the couple become comfortable enough to totally be themselves in each others company and the “conquest” of love has been achieved. The awe, reverence and excitement that were once the hallmark of the relationship soon give way to negative familiarity that ceases to impress. Disrespect and dishonor all too often become familiar territory in relationships. “See Finish” aka Familiarity has led to the disintegration of friendship, the death of business relationships and the prevalence of divorce in our present day world. Even in the work place, a boss who fraternizes too much with his subordinates is not likely to be taken too seriously and may have problems getting the job done.

I have been in an uncomfortable situation where a married couple argued and spoke a little harshly to each other in my presence. I could swear that when they started dating things were definitely not like that. They held each other in high esteem, and if they had any cause to resolve any issue, they would wait till they were alone instead of washing their dirty linen in the presence of a third party. It is similar to what occurs in romantic relationships, where one party begins to fail to properly appreciate the other when they have been together for a while. The fascination and curiosity that piqued their interest in their partner diminishes considerably, hence the feeling of “I know everything about this individual now, there really is no big deal about them” takes over.

Now, I don’t think that “see finish” can be avoided, especially if one is in a marriage or intends to be in one (even though some people still find that they hardly know their spouse many years down the line). Even if we are not so familiar with everyone else, our immediate families are an exception. Over familiarity with our parents and siblings is natural and expected, and if  we are to take anyone for granted, it would most likely be them before anyone else. The difference is that more often than not, they will not mind and are wont to be more tolerant and forgiving of any negative conduct that we may display as a result of our blood ties which trumps every other form of “see finish” with them. However, in friendship or love relationships, often times, there’s only so much contempt arising from over familiarity that our partners can take. Did I hear someone say “Marriage is different as it is for better or worse”. Well, true on paper, but the spate of separation and divorces in our society tells me otherwise.

Familiarity should in actual fact pave the way for greater intimacy and love. The exclusive insight we are privileged to have into another person’s life should help us appreciate them warts and all. Instead of breeding contempt, “see finish” should evoke and sustain love in our interaction with those few people whom we have the special honor of being particularly close to. Familiarity can and does breed contempt…but it can also breed a special kind of love, intimacy and understanding. The choice is ours.

 

12 Replies to “Lolo’s Law Of “See Finish””

  1. well, i think much contempt is not bred with our family relations as much as our friends. However, i think oftentimes, our unwillingness to be objective with ourselves, to be corrected by others as well as to respect one another’s individual differences are actually some of the sources of ‘contempt’.

    1. Contempt is not often bred by our families because they are more naturally accepting of our flaws, which is why they say “Blood is thicker than water.” So true that respecting one another’s individual differences will go a long way in building healthier relationships. Thanks for commenting.

  2. Really, familiarity in actual sense suppose to breed intimacy and a special kind of love just like you said but in most cases it breeds contempt and thus leads to separation in relationships especially in marriages these days.May God help our imperfection.

  3. Lola, i will to mention here that the reason why familarity in love relationship (marriage) dont bring about long last ones again is because, we are a generation of ‘use’ for as long as serve us. Once we notice any dsyfunction part we look elsewhere. Until you can live with the worst of others can we truly said we are alive. If after you had see others in lowest and your being can live with it without judging them, then your connected with them. Also we have different rules for wrong done by others to us vice versa

    1. I like the part where you mentioned the ability to live with the worst of others. The truth is that everyone has flaws, just like they have great sides to them, and if we can enjoy the good then we should at least try to tolerate the not so good. Thanks Yemi!

  4. let’s look at it from dis angle,ders a man of God I respect so much probably for his messages and preaching only for me to get closer and see that he/she is not practicing what he/she is preaching. dis will bring contempt in a way as this person is now seen as a hypocrite. That’s y personally I try not to get too close to people bcos come to think of it we are all human,and not perfect, hence even if/when I see d other side of anyone; am not completely overboard or surprised.

    let’s not take people for granted bcos we are familiar with them.not even family members.
    my piece of cake though.

  5. NA REAL SEE FINISH…LOL! you are absolutely correct in this submission. I am quite guilty of this act I must admit, though I try to have it under check. With my spouse however, it has greatly enhanced the love but I do tend to take her for granted some times.. its so easy to say within me; “shebi she is my wife, she should understand”… though i know this is not right. God help!

    I guess this “funny law” is what drives most of us to set limits in our associations and acquitance with others. thats why we say in yourba; “ko maba fa iwosi”… it is the sole reason you set such limits with surbodinate staff, domestic staff, some extended family members, some class of friends and associates. it is just natural that as human beings we tend to take a mile when given an inch. it however behoves on every one of us to set him or herself staright in this regard.

    More grease to your elbow Lolo.. kudos!

    1. Aren’t we all guilty of taking our loved ones for granted? We just assume that they cannot leave us and are stuck with whatever we dish out to them. The piece just seeks to remind us that these are the most people in our lives and so should be appreciated as such. Thanks Abayomi.

Drop a comment, will you! I appreciate them.