Message To The Meddlers…

meddling

 

                                                    Know your place. Stay there – Ololade Ajekigbe

Today, I am taking no prisoners. I am saying it as it is. In this part of the world we don’t mind our business, and even though I have no empirical statistics to back it up, I am convinced this is true. Oftentimes it beats me how people find it difficult not to meddle in matters that don’t concern them. Some people thrive on meddling in other people’s affair, and beyond being annoying, it is disgusting! What absolutely irks me is when someone who is not in any way close to me feel that they are entitled to some “juicy” information about what’s going on in my life. For the life of me I don’t get it. Never have. Never will.

I know of friends who got married and a couple of months down the line certain acquaintances began to ask if they were pregnant (as if pregnancy can be hidden) and even suggested ways of achieving conception on time! It’s puzzling how we think it’s alright to interfere in other people’s business when we are not invited to do so. Personally, as soon as someone who isn’t close to me asks what I consider to be a personal question, I automatically clam up. There’s no way they are going to get anything tangible out of me because I instantly see them as just being plain nosy. It’s that simple! If you are an old colleague or friend who hasn’t seen me in quite a while and the very first question you deem fit to ask when we meet is “Are you married now?” then there’s a problem. The best you would get out of me in that situation is a fake smile.

The unwritten rule is: If you are not a person’s parents, sibling, lover, mentor, or REALLY close friend, It only makes sense to be aware that they may not appreciate you poking your nose in their affairs. If they don’t invite you to their wedding or party- it’s because you are not wanted there! (If it was an oversight, trust me you will get an apology later without needing to mention it). If they don’t go out of their way to discuss certain issues with you- it’s because they don’t think it is necessary for you know! If they don’t ask for your advice- It’s because they don’t want it! See? It’s not rocket science! It really is that simple! Some people even jump into someone else’s timeline on social media, dabbling into issues that in no way concern them or worse still insult a celebrity who doesn’t know they exist. And when they are given a dose of their own medicine, they begin a campaign of calumny against the person. As if celebrities are not human also. What happened to minding your own business?!

There are a thousand and one ways to know someone or something about them if you really must without being seen as a “monitoring spirit” (like some of my colleagues would say). Learn the art of having a good conversation. When involved in a discussion with someone or group of people, there are so many things you can learn about them without necessarily asking directly. I love good conversations and for me, once I am comfortable with who I am talking to, there is the tendency to even divulge what I would not normally have if I was asked pointedly. So, for example, instead of asking about the relationship status of the other person, talk about yours! (Guys, I just might have given you a tip on how to go about wooing that girl). They may decide to let you in on something since you are being open (the operating word here being “MAY”)…if they don’t, please don’t push it! It’s even easier nowadays, if you need to do a background check on somebody, Google is your friend.

People hardly ever get into trouble while minding their own business. This is not to say, don’t help when you know you can. My message is for those who think they have the right to be involved in everyone’s affair just for kicks. Don’t ask why a woman is yet to have child after 5 years of marriage( do you honestly she is happy about it?). Don’t ask why a lady is not married at age 40(for all you know, she may not even want to be married). Don’t ask why a man doesn’t have a job 10 years after leaving school (If you have an employment opportunity for him, just say so!). Bottom line, except you are convinced you can be of help, by Jove! STOP ASKING SILLY QUESTIONS!  In the words of Ann Landers, “Make somebody happy today, mind your own business.”

 

 

22 Replies to “Message To The Meddlers…”

  1. Hmmmmm,God bless u Lolo for dis post. I wish evry1 can read n digest this. Its so irritating wen pple don’t mind their biz. Forgettn d fact the asking silly questions will annoy n pressurize pple. Pregnancy neva hides, y ask ” u neva get belle? ” we are waiting to eat rice o , When are we coming for Omugwo ?. Fine, they feel they are well wishers but also cause unnecessary tension. I got married Nov 26th, 2011, by Jan,2012, I had several calls, msgs concerning pregnancy. My inlaws too kept calling to inquire. It was so bad that evrytime my mp flowed, I cried so bad. I felt pressurized n uncomfortable. So many comments abt d delay in childbirth LESS THAN A YEAR ! Finally, God blessed me and I was actually confronted Face to face by an inlaw – Hmmm, ure finally pregnant !! Got a ping frm a nossy fellow – R u pregnant now?? My reply, I’m believing God oo. 2b sincere I was in my third trimester then, but I knew it was not her biz in anyway. Afta delivery, d same question frm same silly person 2months afta -” congrats o, but I asked u if u were pregnant n u said u were still believing God, Nawa o, y d secret?? The truth is, I told only pple I regarded as family n close friends. Even my close superiors in the office knew I was preggers despite my being in Ph cos I sent my currents pixs to them n chatted with them often.
    Now, must pple talk?? Must u count the no of years sme1 stays b4 graduating frm Uni? The no of years / months b4 one conceives after marriage? D list is endless. Its my advise, always mind ur biz. If ure a close friend, family / confidant, u don’t need to ask questions cos u’ll be told all u need to know in due time. No matter d distance, a true frnd will reach out 1st to u . Thanks again Lolo

    Anwuli Ng

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your experience Anwuli, It just buttresses my point about people being so nosy. I hope this post will help those of us who are like that correct such behavior.

  2. Haahahahahahahaha. . I love this. Like I showed you some people with this annoying attitude and you did a write to set them straight. I just sent the link to some of my contacts.

    You hit not just the nail but also the hammer right on the head with this one Lolade. Really nice. Cheers

  3. Quite a controversial topic Lolade. What makes it so annoying is that people who engage in activities such as this have a whole lot of issues of their own that requires THEIR urgent attention. Minding one’s business is more like a sin in this part of the world. Oh! Did I forget to say that they make it look like they’ve got your interest @ heart. As for me, I’ve learnt to stop it before it starts!

    1. I tire o Ronke! Infact these are the people who have the biggest issues to worry about. Using Panadol for another person’s headache. Thanks for commenting.

  4. hahahahaha….lol. lolo nice one,they are the “gbeborun” or “gbegele” they act like they wish you well but the truth is they really want to know what is going on in your life,but nice write up, its better people know they have to mind their business abeg

  5. Hmnnn. In tuface words. Am coming out straight this time…am coming out straight with my own kinda peace of mind.. Nice

  6. Hmmm. I feel compelled to comment on this. Pardon me, but I see this slightly differently. First of all, I disagree that people in this part of the world are more nosy than other parts. I think it’s scarier for people to have my whole CV without ever speaking to me than for them to ask me questions directly. And that happens very often in the Western world. It’s also in this part of the world where you’ll hear about a man who was beating up his wife & the neighbours staying in their own homes all in the name of minding their own business, until the day something goes very wrong.
    I definitely agree that getting into others’ space must be done with utmost care, as there is only a thin line between showing concern & meddling. But there are countless situations where people are silently crying out for help & you just never know…..
    I think the person being asked should try & see from the perspective of the person asking. If you notice, the issue is not so much that they asked, as the fact that the person being asked finds the issue sensitive. For example, you may not feel as irritated about being asked about your job situation if you had worked in a good job for 9 yrs & only chosen to stop working a year prior to pursue other things. Of course, over time you can clearly tell who is just being plain nosy, but I also feel that sometimes we lose the “neighbourly” touch when every keeps their thoughts to themselves in their own space. #myhumbleopinion

    1. Great perspective Efe, I was actually hoping to read from someone who would disagree “even if slightly” with my view. Like I made clear in the article, I don’t think it is wrong to ask certain questions if you are convinced you can be of help. Where I have a problem personally is when people ask these questions just for head knowledge. If a couple haven’t had a child 5 years after marriage and I know…if I am not going to do anything about it by way of praying for them or referring them to a good gyneacologist, then what does that information do for me? It becomes absolutely useless to me. And probing or asking without tact may be painful for them. I also think a lot can be gotten from simple conversations with someone without necessarily asking directly. I am all for tact and good intentions. Totally see things from your view too though, a lot of times we can tell those who mean well apart from those who are just being nosy. Thank you Efe.

  7. Hmnmmmmm,nice one lolade. Always at point . For me it could be of having ur best at heart o,or meddling into ur affairs that makes it a gossip for them . Lolo,I agreed wt u n also agreed wt Efe but some pple are just a terrible pokenoser not minding their business at all. They will even tell u ‘I love gist’ such is real gbeborun. One shd just know how to discharge pple of such attitudes. well done sweety.

  8. I have read through this post and comments. I agree with all issue raise as related to meddling and those who show genuine concern for one well being. As for the meddler i have a simple rule which is don’t answer stupid question by just keeping quiet . Doing this send fast message to meddler to stop asking stupid questions.

  9. One of my favorite topic to discuss.

    A lot of “Nigerians” just lack tact and decorum..plain and simple.

    Gosh, I could go on and on about the inappropriate questions I get thrown at me lately being a newly wed. There is nothing wrong with catching up/ checking up with friends once in a while but some ppl just go about it the wrong way. And mostly it’s not that they care they are mostly just plain nosy!!
    Like you said , most times the information isn’t usually anything private or something one can’t share willingly, but the way the questions thrown at you just immediately puts one in a defensive position.
    Honestly, I wish more people would mind their business and be a little bit sensitive to other people ‘s feelings.
    I’m sorry I’m rambling on, this is just the one thing that irks me…

    1. I see that we are absolutely together on this one. I also believe most people inquire about happenings in one’s life not because they really care but out of a need to just know! Thanks Laporshe

  10. * hands in pocket, whistling* lolo, I aint going to say any thing o, I want to go and start starting to start minding my business!

    Yes, it actually creates undue pressures when people meddle but fact is some of these ‘interference’ is actually because they care. Our society hasn’t ‘degenerated’ to that of the whites where nobodygivesadamn about your business and if you ask me, the effect of ‘family independence’ hasn’t been too good over there has it?

    Families (not necessarily by blood) are bonds and the larger and stronger, the better…we could well be our ‘brothers and sisters’ keepers – with limits of course!

  11. Don’t mind all them meddlers. They make u more depressed than the situation itself.they act as if they are concerned but its all for gist.I try to be sensitive to peoples feeling but at times am guilty as well

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