Parasitic Friends

Know-if-You-Are-in-a-Parasitic-Relationship-Step-08

                      It is more blessed to give than to receive -Acts 20:35 (The Holy Bible)

I know friends are not supposed to feel bad about putting each other at some level of inconvenience, I mean what are friends for…right? But when a friend becomes a parasite who continually latches onto and exploits the host for all it’s worth, then it becomes a cause for concern. The hallmark of good friendship is one that is mutually beneficial to the parties involved. It should be symbiotic and not parasitic in nature. However, this is not usually the case. Many times, people make the acquaintance of others in order to pursue their selfish agenda. They initiate friendship because of what they stand to gain, so the other party is unwittingly exploited until they reach their breaking point or worse still, when the parasite no longer has any use for them and moves on to the next unsuspecting victim. There are many parasites out there posing as true friends, they are never there in times of trouble but are quick to show up whenever they are in a fix, especially when they know the other person is always willing to go above and beyond for them.

I have this friend who has a penchant for requesting financial assistance. This person always has a seemingly genuine reason for being quite the nuisance with incessant demands. Each time I see them approaching from a distance, I am tempted to dive into the nearest available hole or wish that I suddenly develop some supernatural powers that will cause me to disappear or be invisible to them, because I know they will most likely have one request or the other to make of me. Sometimes, it’s not just friends who can be burdensome, it could be a love/marriage relationship where one partner becomes an absolute liability to the other. It’s amazing how people go into relationships with the mindset of gaining and gaining and never giving. Whether it is time, money or sex, they are constantly out to take full advantage of the other person in every way they can (and we wonder why divorce cases are on the rise) to the extent of resorting to emotional blackmail when they are turned down. These category of people are energy-sapping, money-draining, vision-derailing parasites who thrive on sucking their host (friend/partner) dry. Now, some are actually genuinely unaware that they are literally a “pain in the behind” of their friends, while others are fully conscious of this irritating attribute they possess but choose to turn a blind eye to it.

It really doesn’t matter if you are the man or woman in a relationship, if you always seek to be at the receiving end of all the good stuff and never stop to think of what you can contribute to the other person’s life be it your friend or lover – then you are a parasite who has no business being in a relationship in the first place! Someone says “Lolade, how do I know if I am in a parasitic relationship?” If any relationship consistently robs you of  emotional strength, money, time and every other thing that is valuable to you – you are in a parasitic relationship. If you have a friend who hardly ever calls just to say hello and find out you are doing, but will never pass you over when they need help, such a friend is a parasitic one. It is a good and honorable thing to be the bigger person and one who most people can count on when things go awry for them but, sometimes such magnanimity can be mistaken for stupidity. At the end of the day, you may have to make up your mind about being willing to continue with the charade or breaking free from the shackles of parasitism.

20 Replies to “Parasitic Friends”

  1. Been seriously thinking since I read this post. I just realised I have been a parasite to one of my friends. I hardly call to knw how she is doing. She is always checking up on me n my family and doesnt say
    ‘no’ whenever I ask for her help. Will seriously call her to let her knw how much of a good friend she is. I will have to become the ‘cheeker’ from now on. Thanks Lolo for the eye opener.

    1. Awwww. Nice perspective to this Osowah. Good to know this article can stir up some self appraisal for someone. Do call up your friend. Thank you so much.

  2. Parasitic friends. . I can only sigh at the above. Guess we all had one or some as “friends” at one time in our lives. It is also interesting to note that we could have unconciously been one of such too to our very close allies. Friendship like you have rightly stated should be mutually beneficial. May God help us all to strike this balance. Well written Lolade. Thumbs up!

  3. nice one Princess. I actually had a couple of them too which I av also shut off my system earlier this yr.they never call, txt or even chat on bb but are quick to call when they need smth. Friendship is a two way thing and shouldn’t be one sided. thumbs up!!!

  4. Nice article…and u refused to join the publications team in WHA
    I really like Osowah’s comments as it is easy for many of us to start guessing who the parasitic friend is or may be and forgetting we are equally guilty.
    This indeed brings memories… I remember a good friend back in the day who I felt was a nasty victim of parasites – but he had a good attitude towards it and he really embodied the scripture quoted above – inspirational fellow.

    1. Lol, T-Jay I was still honing my skills then…I still am. I am not sure many of us can claim not to have been parasites to someone at one time or the other. Thanks so much for your comment.

  5. Cool write up. Wonderful comments too. I think it’s important to say that relationships are run on a 50/50 basis and one should be careful not to be hunting for parasites in relationships. It remains a constant that it is more blessed to give than to receive.
    I was gonna ask that you throw a word in on how to handle or Deal with such situations/relationship.

    Thanks.

    1. I really don’t think most relationships (If any) can be 50:50…that being said, I feel what’s most important is that no one feels taken for granted. As per the solution, I believe it depends on the individual who is the host/victim in this scenario, if such a one feel they don’t want to lose the friendship of the parasite, then he or she probably needs to have a sincere talk with the friend involved (who knows, they might be unaware of the inconvenience they cause). And if it’s the other way round and the host/person feels the friendship isn’t worth saving, then ties may have to be severed. My opinion though. ..

  6. Another interesting one Lolo…..was bragging about your writing skills to one of my friends yesterday….super impressed as always. In all fairness, we are quite guilty of this act coz in one or the other, we would have taken someone for granted. The “ME” syndrome is quite evident in some relationships especially when the other party happens to be quiet and always willing to lend a helping hand. This calls for some bit of self – appraisal.

    1. Thanks a lot, you flatter me…you’re so right, we are all guilty of it sometimes. It’s a call for all of us to reflect on the kind of friend we are. Thanks once again the King’s daughter.

  7. Amen to that… I remember having a parasitic friend once in high school (even though my mom thinks of this “friend” as a bully). She always asking me to share my lunch with her when I noticed that she has either her own lunch or even money for the cafeteria, and it doesn’t stop there; she always ask me to do stuff with her (such as sitting with her, walking with her, etc.) and even after high school, she’s always in the same school/class as her. It really gotten me to the point of dreading her presence, lest she sees me (I only get some relief whenever I’m alone; the experience really had me somewhat paranoid of people (such as friends and family) asking stuff out of me)…

Drop a comment, will you! I appreciate them.