Someone to talk to. A concept that is simple and seemingly common but in reality, hard to find. What we consider conversation most times is idle chit-chat; small talk that holds no weight. But the baring of the soul, no holds barred exchange with another is a rarity. At a time when trusting associates with private information is a precarious venture no thanks to the trend of letting it all out on social media, the circumspect keep their most treasured thoughts tucked in the recesses of their heart. They would rather it killed them than run the risk of spilling to someone who might divulge it to others.
Nonetheless, we must talk. As humans, we have an innate inclination for communion. Also, the configuration of the cosmic is such that the challenges and vicissitudes of life prod us to share our burden from time-to-time. But it is one thing to speak—and another—to speak to someone who not only listens to us but gets us.
Aside from the illusion social media has created in the form of keeping everyone close, yet conveniently disconnected from the next person (so we are deluded into believing we have many friends when in actual fact, we do not have more than a few), loyalty is a phenomenon that is fast going extinct.
With few friends and even fewer ones to place implicit trust in, it is only natural that the archetypal person looks to romantic relationships for heartfelt self-expression.
Isn’t that why many of us want to get married?
To have that one human in the entire universe whom we can be ourselves with. A partner; non-judgemental, listening, loving, caring. An ally in a world of too many strangers. One with whom we can share our deepest secrets, desires, fantasies, and fears.
It is the ideal situation, but oftentimes, conditions are far from idyllic. It is not uncommon to find lovers rat each other out after a little argument. Ex-lovers expose secrets that were shared during intimate moments to the world as soon as things go south; a disturbing trend that has seen more people wary of divulging details regarding certain aspects of their lives to their significant other.
Finding that one person with whom one can share freely without any fear of sabotage is akin to discovering a pond in a desert and that’s why I am resolute in my belief that unhinged conversations are the climax of romance.
The zenith of affection is unrestricted tete-a-tete, good old long discussions about anything, and the turn of events back my belief; one of which is the realisation that sex which is a motivation for the birth of many relationships is ubiquitous these days.
As a matter of fact, people do not have to initiate a defined relationship to enjoy a romp. Sex is everywhere, begging to happen. It is cheap, it comes without far-reaching implications, and as relationships that are predicated on sex thrive increasingly, there is a corresponding detachment to the act and by extension, the individual involved.
The dynamics of love affairs these days is such that two people may be sexual partners for a long time without necessarily knowing so much about themselves. In fact, the unspoken or sometimes spoken rule is to keep things transactional especially if one of the parties is famous or a person of means. Two people share what we consider the most intimate interaction two adults can have, yet are distant where it really matters: the mind.
Real conversations are scarce. There is a dearth of genuine stripped-to-nothing expression of the unplumbed thoughts. And that’s what makes finding it special.
Again, I am convinced that the absence of conversation is responsible for increasing incidents of separation and divorces in today’s society. Lovers drift apart because they aren’t communicating, and if they are, they are doing it wrong.
People cheat because they found someone else who listens to them. Someone in whose presence they are free to be themselves and talk about anything. Someone who doesn’t weaponise private information.
As we grow older, we develop an appreciation for honest conversations. When we grow old and are incapable of playing out our sexual fantasies, companionship through words is what we fall back upon.
Conversation fosters true friendship. It is the bedrock of intimacy and trust, and the meat of romance.